Six More

So about six more people know that I'm crazy. Last night about quarter to ten I was standing in an intersection next to my stopped car for no apparent reason.

Let me explain. The plan was that I was going to head over to Starbuck's, pick up a couple grande raspberry soy lattes for myself and a friend, then go to said friend's house and work on the master plan for the trip to Los Angeles and E3 this year.

Not three blocks from my house, I pull up to a stop sign and see something that looks like a leaf blowing across the road. But it's not blowing. And it's not a leaf. Or is it? My eyes aren't what they used to be, and I suspect I'm overdue for my second pair of glasses. I felt kind of dumb that I might be getting out of the car to go and inspect a leaf on the road in the middle of the night.

As I walked up to this little thing it was obviously a frog. Or a toad, I'm no expert here. The colour of its skin was almost the same colour as the concrete road it was trying to hide on. Now here's where we hit on the places where nature hasn't kept up with the advances of our society. This frog obviously thought I was some kind of predator. It's frog brain assessed the following variables from this situation:

  • hopping across a big rock
  • late at night
  • approached by a big black low-flying predator with glowing eyes
  • a naked ape gets out of the thing and comes to eat me

Obviously the best strategy in a case is to sit very still and don't make a sound. I mean he sat really still. I came right up next to him and muttered stuff about getting out of the road before he got run over, but still he just sat there - not blinking. I couldn't even tell if he was breathing.

Put myself in this situation? I'd be the first frog in history to scream like a little girl.

So had I been a real predator I would've had frog with my latte last night. As it was I couldn't tell for sure that I could drive around it since it was in the middle of the road. I was also pretty sure that it wouldn't be safe sitting there looking like a rock as the other cars approached. I walked back and forth between the frog and my car a few times to enhance the crazy show for any one looking out the window.

Go to the frog, investigate. Try to shoo it away. Give up and go back to the car. Go back to the frog and mutter to it. Give up and go back to the car. Repeat.

Finally I got over my ick and decided to give the frog a poke. I've seen people pick up frogs before and generally the frogs just kind of lay there with their feet all hanging out. Sometimes the frogs decide to jump away. But as I approached the frog to give it a nudge, I wracked my brain to make sure I'd never seen a frog turn on a person and ravage them with bared fangs and hidden razor-sharp talons. Nope, no evil secretly savage frogs as far as I could recall. There was that one people were licking for a while, but I think that just made you high, not poisoned.

So I nudged him it the soft, non-poisonous looking sides of his saggy belly. Reluctantly he took one hop. Another poke, another hop. After four pokes or so he was finally clear of the road and about six or so cars had passed. Undoubtedly their occupants are certain they saw a lunatic on the road last night.

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Yes, you have issues. You so didn't get enough "nature time" when you were a kid. Probably too busy with your nose stuck in a Robert Frost poetry book, eye glued to a "Doctor Who" episode and lips glued to a Pringles can. Me? Isaac Asimov, Star Trek, Fritos Corn Chips... Oh well, at least you'll get some interesting contextual ads now ;)

Wow, you actually made me laugh.

The internet is so great! When I woke up this morning I never thought I would read such a great post, then be irresistibly drawn to an ad on "Poison Dart Frogs." I know more than I ever imagined I would on the topic (which isn't saying much.)